Another (short!) stolen question list

1) If you could bring a single person from the past to experience the present (without damaging time), who would you bring? I would probably bring Thomas Edison, to let him see just how far we’ve come on the back of his inventions and discoveries.

2) If you were forced to kill either your closest family member or your closest friend, which would you choose? My closest family member is my mother. I don’t know who my closest friend is, but I’m pretty sure (s)he doesn’t pay my bills, give me a house to sleep under, and feed me.

3) If you had to erase someone else’s memory of you but not vice versa, who would it be? I would erase the memory of me I left my roommate in my second year of college with. I don’t even remember his name. Jeremy? Michael? Stephen? I know it wasn’t Travis… anyway, I left a terrible impression upon him for obvious reasons. I don’t really care about his opinion, but I would prefer it to be a better one than what he’s got.

4) If you could, on your deathbed, transfer your brain to a new body bred for that sole purpose, would you? How old is this new body? Can I be a chick? Like a hot-ass seventeen year old jailbait girl? I would like to give that a shot.

5) If you ran a college, what would your mascot and colors be? The mascot would be the Woodchucks and the colors would be brown and dark blue.

6) If you had unspecified superpowers but every time you used them, the equal and opposite effects of your actions were felt elsewhere in the world, would you do good or evil? Well, I would do good. I hate to cause others harm, but I would feel a much greater weight on my conscience if i was directly harming people as compared to indirectly harming people I have never met.

7) If you were a god but could only change one major thing about the workings on earth, what would it be? I would make the Homo sapien a herbivore.

8) If you had to cut off a part of your body with nerves no smaller than your middle finger by yourself with a butcher knife, what would you rid yourself of? Well, what choices are there? A middle finger, a foot, a leg/arm, a penis, a head. I mean, you can’t cut off like a torso; it would have to be an appendage. I would probably cut off a middle finger.

9) In which do you find more beauty, the chaos or the order of the universe? The order. Who the hell finds the chaos beautiful? The only beautiful part of the chaos is the order in which the chaos falls.

10) Would you rather be a dictator for life (with no implications on your moral decisions) or president for 4 years? Dictator for life, of course.

11) If you could digest anything humans normally couldn’t, what would it be? Plastic.

12) What would you most likely sell on the black market? Handmade trinkets.

13) What would you most likely buy on the black market? Cocaine.

14) With which character in literature do you most relate? This is gonna sound really, really cliché, but Holden Caulfield.

15) With which character in film or television do you most relate? Helga, in Hey Arnold!

16) If you could take up any performing or visual art form, what would you take up? Playing guitar or bass and taking up songwriting.

17) What would be sufficient evidence for you to abandon your current religious or nonreligious beliefs in favor of others? Well, I’m an atheist-leaning agnostic. So I would need some sort of definitive scientific evidence that nothing existed before the Big Bang, and that some force outside of the universe created the Bang. And even then, I would never join an organized religion. I’m never going down that path again.

18) Do you think morality is relative? No. Morality is absolute. Values are relative.

19) What, if anything, succeeds death? The entirety of humanity is gathered in a field, naked, for the rest of eternity, and God is there above it all, laughing at the fact that everyone is naked and crammed onto this field. He thinks it’s hilarious. This happens regardless of whether you were good or not, meaning that your entire life was worth nothing, because no matter what you did on Earth, you’ve got a permanent spot there on the Eternal Field. On the Eternal Field, everyone knows everything about everyone else. No secrets are kept, and every conversation is awkward. Except there is no need to speak. Everyone knows everyone else’s thoughts. Because this is such an overwhelming challenge to the human mind (it’s not like you get a new and improved brain on the Field), people begin to stop having thoughts of their own and join a sort of hive mind, to relieve the mental pressure.

20) How would you like to die? Suddenly, while browsing the Internet. Someone would have to tell the Diplomacy game that I died and I would probably need a substitute to take my place, since there’s no internet on the Eternal Field.